DAY 1 - Being Me.

How persistent is that cat? So I go upstairs for my first hour of waiting in God's presence, and she follows me upstairs. "Oh no, not this time little one!" I shut the door on her and pull the bedside table up against the door - (our door doesn't shut properly). Here I am, lying face-down on my little bedside rug and I start to hear her scrabbling at the door. This goes on for about 6 minutes with the occasional loud banging noise as she jumps up to pull down the handle. She'll get fed up soon, I think. It goes quiet for a bit, then it starts again. "What shall I do, Lord?" "Just let her in :) " "ok, but don't forget, it was your idea!" 

All at once I am struck by how sometimes we feel like that about coming into God's presence.... it's like we're trying so hard and the door is closed.....and then the tables are turned and I see that it's the Lord who's really trying to speak into OUR lives and we're just too busy, or too scared, or too hurt to let Him in. Jiggy, my cat, is now purring all around me and rubbing herself on me, and I am reminded of the C.S. Lewis story, 'The Horse and his Boy' where Shasta has to wait at the tombs and the cat, who is really Aslan (for anyone who doesn't know the story, Aslan represents Jesus) comes to keep him company. In our lives we're sometimes in this position - in a place we'd rather not be, with a load of dead things all around us. Maybe we've flushed our hopes and dreams down the toilet (as the Virgin trains tell us not to do....) and shattered relationships, ill health and disappointments lie in heaps at our feet. Suddenly I am a 10 year old child again, and going round the stations of the cross every week during Lent (sorry for those who are not Catholics....it's a prayer round the church remembering Jesus on His way to the cross). Suddenly, in my imagination, Jesus is there with me, carrying, instead of the cross, the weight of disappointment in my little heart because of my mother's death, and rather like Shasta, who didn't realise the cat was Aslan, I never knew He was there. I lie still, feeling a great sense of peace and all the while, my cat purrs around me. One thing I know, is that this is a place I can just be me, and God is here.