Day 21 - Thankful

Today I have had no time to wait on God: teaching all morning, a quick turn around at home, rehearsal then shopping, then concert....then a party....but, for what they're worth, here are my thoughts as I drove my car to work.

I start thanking God for my fingers, for my legs, my toes, my hair and skin, for my eyes and ears. I thank Him for my family, my talents, for the beautiful sunny Spring day, for my car. I think about how great it is to be thankful for everything - it focuses our mind on the things that we have and not on the things we don't have. It makes us grateful to God and causes us to smile, sometimes in the midst of painful circumstances. Thankfulness has a power all of its own that can break negative thought patterns and part the clouds in our lives.

A friend posted this picture yesterday. The little man at the front, holding up the Bible is William Barratt, one of the tiniest men I've ever known, but also one of the tallest in spiritual terms. He was my pastor when I was a student -  now in Heaven with Jesus. I want to say thank you, Lord, for this man and the influence he had in my life as a young Christian. His life was a testament to what a person can be if they dedicate themselves to the Lord - he was a passionate preacher and a holy man. He inspired me and my group of friends at the music college to live well and to 'taste and see that the Lord is good!' I remember him once saying, "I'd rather be utterly miserable and live my life with God as a Christian, than be the happiest person alive and not know God's love." Of course that could never be.... because if you know God's love you can never really be miserable......

I just feel my heart overflowing with thankfulness for all the people who've been such an inspiration to me in my life. 

Thank you.

Day 20 - Paradox

Here I am again. I think about the Bible readings I read this morning; the tune I'm rehearsing with the school orchestra floats through my consciousness; I pray for my family; I thank God for the good things in life; then I suddenly recall my rather strange dream that I had last night:

I am lying in the dentist's chair hearing the dentist saying some repetitive words and the next thing I know, I'm struggling to wake up, but feeling a great sense of well being all over me. Drowsy. When I come to, I realise my mouth feels all numb at one side. The dentist explains that he's been experimenting with hypnosis techniques and that he has given me a filling while I've been under. He's pleased with his wonderful new way of dealing with fear in his patients and on the face of it, it seems brilliant. Then I remember that I gave no consent for this procedure and I have no idea what else went on while I was under his influence. In my dream I am wearing my night clothes - always a sign of insecurity in dreams.

I start to think about where we're up to in the western world. It's kind of like we've been asleep and are just waking up to the dangers of militant Islam. There are some who say that the church has been asleep and many are still asleep. And there has been such an exposing of corruption in all spheres of life over recent years, our society is quite sick. I think about how such an amazingly strong civilisation such as Ancient Rome could fall because of corruption and I admit there is a high level of fear all around. 

Now I'm thinking about how even though King Ahasuerus agreed with Esther (in the bible story - read the book of Esther for more details), his earlier decree couldn't be revoked and the people of Israel had to fight for their freedom. Sometimes there are consequences for our actions which we just have to live through.

There are many voices of warning out there. What shall I say in my blog today, Lord? The thought that comes to me is that it is not wrong to rejoice. Yes, we can intercede before God for our nations and fight (not physical but spiritual warfare) for the truth, but I think our Father wants us to be without care and we can be hopelessly happy in a childlike way, trusting that He has it all under His control. On the face of it, it seems like a contradiction, but actually it's a paradox. As I come to the end of my time with God today, the sun comes out from behind the clouds.  

Day 19 - Fresh Air :)

Whereas fog is a natural occurrence caused by different air temperatures colliding, smog is man made. Smog is a word made up out of two words: fog and smoke. Before people heated their homes with gas or electricity there used to be many days of it in the winter months. The famous London smogs were called 'pea-soupers'. These days smog is becoming a problem again, this time caused by pollutants such as exhaust fumes and factory emissions. Particularly in some of the large cities in China where output has grown so hugely over the last few decades, people sometimes wear face masks to protect themselves from its negative effects. How much we all love to breathe in God's fresh air!

In the spiritual realm there is smog, too. I think about what might cause our spiritual air to be clouded over so we cannot see clearly and are indeed in danger of losing our spiritual health. The words that come to me are 'too much'.  Too much work; people are too tired to hear God's voice. Too much entertainment; people are distracted by so much television and computer games or facebook. Too much money; people are caught up in having the latest thing. Too much shopping! - again, distracted by the excitement of buying new stuff. For some it is too much drinking and socialising - no time left to seek for God's presence in our lives, no time to hear Him speaking to us. It's all about balance, because none of these things are wrong in themselves. 

Maybe we should clear the air a little. Even a small adjustment can make a huge difference.

Day 18 - In the Fog

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist." That's how the Message version of the Bible puts verse 12 of the first letter to the Corinthians, chapter 13. This is how I feel tonight as I wait on God. Can't gather my thoughts, can't sense God's presence with me, can't seem to encourage myself. I look up the wonderful hymn, 'Love Divine' and it cheers me up a little. 

As a child we used to go on holiday to the same place in the highlands of Scotland every year. I knew the hills behind our caravan pretty well and sometimes used to roam the countryside on my own. One day I was up the hill when the mist came down, and the familiar hillside suddenly became unfamiliar. I admit I was a little scared, but knew which part of the hill I was on and just walked downwards, not taking the usual route and pricking myself on bushes as I went. I shortly came down far enough to leave the mist behind me and returned home.This is why seasoned walkers take a compass with them, because they know that there will be times when the mist will fall and you can't rely on your vision.

 At times like this we put our trust in God and in His Word. And sometimes in life, it's all down to unrealistic expectations. If we expect the way to always be easy we will be very disappointed. If we expect there to be times when we're in a fog, we'll just muddle through until the fog clears. :)

Day 17 - As I Am.

I'm tired today. Almost seven hours riding in uncomfortable trucks last night has played havoc with my upper back muscles and I'm feeling pretty achy. Sometimes we just get days like this. We sit at our desk trying not to grunt at everyone or in front of a class thinking we want the ground to swallow us up. 

As I sit in God's presence today, I'm so grateful for the peace which enfolds me and I relax. This hymn floats into my consciousness: 'Just as I am', written in 1835 by Charlotte Elliot. The story goes that she was invited round for a meal by some friends and met a minister there who said he hoped she was a Christian. Although at the time she was offended by the comment, she spent the next three weeks thinking about it and trying to find out how to become one. She then met the minister again and asked him. He said, "Just come as you are". She did, and went on to write this lovely hymn which has touched the lives of millions of people over the years.

Just as I am, without one plea,

But that Thy blood was shed for me,

And that Thou bidst me come to Thee,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, though tossed about

With many a conflict, many a doubt,

Fightings and fears within, without,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, of that free love

The breadth, length, depth, and height to prove,

Here for a season, then above,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come!

Sometimes we feel low. There are days when things perplex us and we wonder why

things happen as they do. These are the times to come just as we are. So here I am Lord, coming just as I am.

Day 16 - Found

An unexpected day today.... a prang with the car resulted in us travelling home in a flat bed truck .... eventually arriving home after midnight. So this is a bit late, but here it is. Not quite an hour with God today, but this is what I have to offer.

I spent quite some time helping my friend look for a lost ipod this afternoon: in cupboards, drawers and in every nook and cranny, but to no avail... I think about lostness. It says in the book of Luke in the Bible (chapter 19) that Jesus said he came 'to seek and to save the lost'. We've all heard of the phrase, 'lost souls'. What does it mean? Does it mean that God does not know where we are, that he can't find us? According to the first book of the bible, Genesis, after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit they hid from God and the bible records that God said, "Adam, where are you?" Surely God knew where he was?

The dictionary says that lost can mean mislaid, so you can't find something, or gone for good, like a lost opportunity. So I don't think it meant that God couldn't find Adam, but that Adam had gone. He had left that place of intimacy that he and Eve had known before they betrayed God's trust. That intimacy had been lost for good, for ever.....until that great bridge builder, Jesus Christ, came and restored our lost relationship with Father. While I am waiting before God, cup of tea in hand, my friend's big dog Max (doesn't he just look like a Max?) scratches on the door until I let him in. And not content with that, he clambers onto the sofa next to me and snuggles up.

This is the closeness that our Father God wants to have with us. Away with 'religion', away with do's and don'ts, for now we, too, can clamber up close. 

Day 15 -When the Music Fades

I'm relaxing in God's presence, feeling tired after an extremely wind swept walk on the Downs and thinking about something Pete said while we were out. How do we know when the activities and things that we enjoy in life become more important to us than they should be? Sometimes it's not until the good things are stripped away that we realise that there's nothing more important than our relationship with the Lord Himself. Without my home, my family, my friends, my health, my possessions, my talents, my church, my work, my hobbies, my music........ what's left? What will be left when I am on my death bed? All that will be important will be my friendship with Jesus.

 A song which comes to mind is 'Heart of Worship' by Matt Redman. It starts like this:

'When the music fades and all is stripped away and I simply come.' This is just the bare bones of who I am.....no frills. It goes on:

'You search much deeper within, through the way things appear - you're looking into my heart.'

and 'I'm coming back to the heart of worship and it's all about you, Jesus.'

Lord, I'm so happy that you love the real me, not necessarily the image I portray of myself to the world. In your presence I can be myself and know that I am accepted....and loved.